Proverbs 17:14

The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.

Dams have been used for thousands of years and have benefitted cultures all over the world. They provide flood control, water storage, irrigation, navigation and recreation. We have learned to depend on them and their benefits. Although rare, dam failures can occur spreading devastation for miles around.

When we let strife and contention invade and abide in our closest relationships, they will be just as devastating as a breach in a dam…affecting not only ourselves, but family members, friends, our church community, associates at work and school. And like dam failures, the effects can last for years.

There are five major reasons dams fail that parallel failures in our relationships:

Overtopping – When someone is consistently kind, generous or beneficial to us in some way, we get used to the “good”. We tend to expect and even demand the “good” from the other person. Our selfishness eventually leads to exceeding that person’s capacity to give, leading to strife and failure in the relationship.

Foundation Defect – Our flawed, sinful nature affects our thinking, attitudes, emotions, desires and actions. Our sin nature is the root cause of most of our relational problems. No matter how much we try to cover up the flaws, eventually a “breach” occurs and damages our relationships.

Cracking Caused by Movement – Sometimes we bring the external problems of life into our close relationships. They manifest themselves as tension; angry words flow back and forth between people, focusing on issues that are not the true source of the tension. And what seems to be an internal failure in the relationship, in reality had an external cause.

Inadequate Maintenance and Upkeep – When we take a relationship for granted, we actually devalue the relationship and the other person. Our focus tends to be on “me”, instead of “you” or “us”. It’s like admiring a beautiful plant, but leaving it out of the sunlight, and failing to water it. Unmaintained relationships will do the same as the plant…shrivel and die.

Piping (When Seepage Through A Dam Is Not Properly Filtered) – Introducing unwise and ungodly advice and opinions into your relationships can destroy them. Be careful when someone says, “Well, if I were you…” when they haven’t prayed, read their Bibles, or may not even know Christ. Christ has the power to unify parties in a relationship; worldly wisdom eventually leads to division.

As you think about the relationships that mean the most to you, are you taking someone for granted? Are your sinful habits putting stress on the relationship? Are the external stresses of life starting to appear inside your home? Are you putting in the time and effort necessary to cultivate your relationships? Are you letting worldly wisdom undermine the wisdom of God?

When you sow strife into a relationship, three things happen: 1) you set the stage for its demise, 2) you set stage for causing hurt in others, and 3) you engage in an activity that God hates (Proverbs 6:19).

Don’t let the dam break in your relationships. Start by humbling yourself before God, confess any known sins before Him, and make a decision to change your ways — in His power. Then take the specific corrective action necessary to maintain and/or repair the integrity your relationship, as much as you can. Keep in mind that in some situations only God can restore what has been damaged.

Jesus died and rose to allow you to have a relationship with your Heavenly Father. Surely you can take a step to make relationships better around you and keep strife from “abiding” in them (settling down and taking residence).