I felt it appropriate to provide a little background as to how the relationship between my dad and me came to being.  It all starts with his background which is a little sketchy.  But based on what I’ve been able to piece together from a few records and conversations with him, this is how it all started.

My dad was born in 1931.  He was the middle child of five boys and one girl. His mother was Rebecca Shearer.  She was married to David Shearer.  When he was five years old my dad went to live with a man named James Coleman.  He live with Mr. Coleman for about thirteen years until he left for college.  Now I always thought it was odd that a father, David Shearer, would allow another man to raise his five year old son. My dad’s mother apparently agreed to this arrangement.  Its seemed odd, but what I suspect is that David Shearer was not my father’s biological father…James Coleman was.  And I also assume that at about five years old, the resemblance between James Coleman and my father became more apparent.  So it looks like Rebecca Shearer got pregnant by James Coleman in the midst of the other children.

My dad used to mention how his brothers would beat him up when he would try to visit his mother. They would not allow him to see her after he moved in with  Mr. Coleman.  Before my dad graduated from high school, Mr. Coleman had my dad’s last name changed from Shearer to Coleman.  So my dad’s high school diploma read “Johnnie Shearer Coleman”.  Years later after Mr. Coleman died, his daughter, who lived in Texas, came back to Mobile, AL and introduced herself to my dad as his sister.

So it appears that my father may have been the illegitimate child of Rebecca Shearer and James Coleman.  He experienced rejection and confusion about his identity at an early age.  This was in addition to all the racial pressures of deep south Alabama in the 1930’s, 40’s and 50’s. According to him, my dad got beat trying to go see his mother, and he got beat by police during the rise of the civil rights movement. No doubt he took an “emotional beating” as well.

I don’t know everything that led to Johnnie Coleman being who he was, but I think this explains his overall self-centered way of thinking.

As I write this, I see more clearly how the lack of a spiritual foundation, built on the Word of God can lead to “cracks” in our personality and view of the world. Traumatic events when young can lead a number of “flaws” in a person’s thinking and conduct into adulthood.

In Deuteronomy 6 and 11, the Lord, through Moses, instructs the people to teach His commandments to their children (Deuteronomy 6:7, Deuteronomy 11:19). Children can’t fully capture the “meat” of a move of God. They need their parents to provide context, meaning and reminders of events. The most effective learning occurs in “natural”, informal settings, e.g., during meal times, and times of one-on-one activities. This learning helps build a spiritual foundation in children that sets the stage for a deeper personal relationship with God. Without it, you are left with “natural devices” to deal with the complications of life, which fall woefully short.

So as you think about your father, what kind of foundation was built in his life? What led to him being a “bad” or absent dad? More importantly, what kind of foundation are you building in your children and others with whom you have influence?