I’ve been a step dad for close to a quarter century now.  (Sounds like a long time, doesn’t it, as opposed to “24 years”?)  One of the most valuable aspects of being a husband and father in in a blended family is “relationship”.

Merriam-Webster defines “relationship” this way:

“the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship…”

If you look up “relation”, you’ll find:

“an aspect or quality (such as resemblance) that connects two or more things or parts as being or belonging or working together or as being of the same kin”

In order to improve your success as a husband and step-dad, you have to engage in activities that build a “relation”, i.e., things that connect you, things that will be a part of both of you, things that you all share, things that you can work on together.

Activities can include:

• Talking on a regular basis where both parties share their thoughts and experiences
• Working on a project together to achieve a common goal
• Helping the kids address their problems
• Listening
• Working through trials and difficulties together

One thing I do with our grandkids (who are my step-sons’ children) is cook.  I’ve designated two dishes as “special”, pancakes and pound cakes.  We make both from scratch and it turns out to be a treat (what kid doesn’t like to lick the cake bowl?).  Even though I am not a “blood” relative, the kids will always remember cooking pound cakes with Papa Vic.  We do it together, we build memories, we share the eating and clean up experience.  We build our relationship through the activity of cooking.  Simple, inexpensive, but valuable.

The common element in all these and similar activities is time.  As a step-dad you have to decide that engaging in “relations” to build relationships is a priority.  If its not, you’re laying the foundation for a divided home.  Life is difficult enough;  the last thing you want to do after a hard day at work is to come home to “division”.  As a step-dad its our job to lay the foundation for unity and peace.  It won’t be easy or perfect, but the effort can provide major benefits years later.

So questions for you, step-dad:

• Is peace in your home a priority?
• If so, what kind of foundation are you laying?
• Have you engaged in activities that build relationships?  If so, how often?
• Have you been consistent in your efforts?
• Are you willing to wait for “deferred gratification” or are you looking for immediate results.

Our pound cakes take two hours from start to finish, but the end results are worth waiting for.  Are you willing to wait for a cake that “melts in your mouth”, or do you want to take it out of the oven before its done and have a mess on your hands?  Just a thought.