The Step-Dad’s Handbook

January 11, 2017

The Step-Dad’s Handbook is a soon to be published book I’ve written to the dad’s of blended families. In this day and age, the “blended” family is quickly becoming the norm for our society. The dynamics of the blended family are somewhat different than the “traditional” family. There are unique challenges that step-dads will encounter. Having been blessed with over 20 years of marriage, I thought I’d share some of the things I’ve learned in an effort to help other men who are just beginning their “blended” journey.

I’ll address different topics in my post so that over time we can cover many of the topics that men are facing. My hope is that they will gain insight that will help them be husbands and fathers God has called them to be.

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2 responses to “The Step-Dad’s Handbook”

Relationships – Vic Coleman's Blog

March 4, 2017

[…] Merriam-Webster defines “relationship” this way: […]

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Vic Coleman

January 12, 2017

Love Before Discipline

My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. When we got married, with one “I do”, I became the parent of two boys and a dog…instant family. The boys were 17 and 6 years old. I had listened to some James Dobson’s Focus On the Family broadcasts on raising kids and thought I was prepared for parenting. But as Steve (our oldest) recently joked with my wife, “We took Vic to school!” Each memory of “the early days” brought a chuckle. To say the least, I was not prepared.

One of the most important lessons I had to learn was that I had to show love first before the boys would receive discipline…by discipline I mean correction or instruction. They had to know that I cared about them first. Once they realized that I had their interest in mind, they were more receptive of any correction I would offer. But like most things in life, this was a process; it took time. And a major key to making it all work was getting support from my wife.

Now I sometimes refer to my wife as an “ol school mom”, meaning her children come first. If they are not happy, she’s not happy; she feels their pain. (This attitude is not as common today as it was a generation ago.) So watch a man who was not their father discipline her sons was a little uncomfortable at first. It could have easily been an area of contention between us.

If I did not have her support, the kids would have got the message, “Its okay to rebel and do what you want. This guy can’t tell us anything.” Life would have been chaotic. But through the grace of God, my wife “had my back”. She saw that I was truly interested in her boys. And when correction was needed, and it was usually obvious, she was behind me. As I said it was difficult at first, but gradually we came together.

After a couple of years, it became my job to handle the disciple…especially as our youngest one became a teenager (lucky me 🙂 ).

So from my experience, I learned:

Show love before you discipline
Show your wife that you care about her kids
Give her time to adjust emotionally
Get her on your side so that you are a “united front”
Be patient. You may have to “let some things go” until the love gets established.
Pray for wisdom. I made a lot of mistakes. If I had just taken time out to seek wisdom, I would have saved myself and the family some headaches and heartaches.

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